Starwars and gumdrops

Starwars& gumdrops.

12.26a.m, i'm having breakfast with my shadow. Mom's knocked out in bed. As it is her rebirth of annual birthdays. Okay back to my subject. We had quite a discussion. Can you fall in love with the things you only felt, the things you never seen? We contructed it from Virgin Territory. Have you watched it? Its a sex commedy. Although i feel the title doesn't go well with the story. I still like the production;] Its like that kind of movie, you know The Thumbsucker or Juno?Anyway Hayden Christensen starred in it. I'm going goo-goo over him. Dan gives me 1 week. That reminds me of my new R2-D2 tee from Junk Food. It's promoting space gumdrops.

1:16a.m

I heard the sound of keys. They're home. My ears directed focus on their motion of footsteps to sense the mood. A pair of feet.. heavy ones staggering further inside then.. another. But messy this time as if the floor has major distractions. The giant's footsteps rushed out again. Then it seems like tap dancing was reviewed& it is that again. I remained where i am at that time. Because of its uncountable frequency or that the drunk cannot be communicated. I usually pretend its a normalcy. I'm good at pretending. My appearence would concentrate on whatever i was doing. But today, deep inside me, unlocked doors& windows. I saw through teary eyes how my Mom reminded me of the letter 'S'. Also like a lonely dandelion stuck within a minor tornado. I didn't question but i walked away. There was so much to assimilate today.. I imagined destinating myself on a charcoal-colored concrete to Land of notfoundoutyet.. without the word love.

Summary

Reflection: & in that moment, I was searching for someone. I felt them at my fingertips, I tasted them at the tip of my tongue. They had told me the place i would find them. The careful steps my feet itself would lead. The answer, was their name. But, they had never told me what they would be wearing, nor what they looked like. So, how would I ever find them? I keep searching for a certain type of purpose to my life, but all I can find are deserted streets and half empty hearts. I dream of purpose. Whether it sounds childish or not, I wish for it. I can't make my own purpose out of thin air, can I? I think that would be impossible. Am I right? I don't know anymore. I feel as if every word I speak is one hundred and ten percent incorrect. People are rolling their eyes at me.

Me: Dear heavenly father, I gave up on searching.

Ps: Okay Annika's being emo. she'll be better after FHFIF is in her Nintendo. But now.. Pens or brushes?

Droopy monster green.



Ps: I'll be back to work on Monday.

I found the light on gravity

8. 20p.m, blogging backwards.

My day went annoyingly eventful. I had to cancel my music class before paying my second visit to the doctor this week. Which means missing Easter celebration at church for the next 2 daysO____O But i indulged mysef happy when i bought a sea blue bag& a pair of sliver gold earrings from Casa Vinks near the clinic. The sales girl did a terrible job which made me wanna jump at her chest with a popsicle stick but i told myself "keep cool, a hippie shop don't need a girl like you."

I believed God decided it is time. Time to slowly uncover my stash of empty feelings like an origami unfolding itself.-Wednesday summary

After being led word by word from verse 2:23:38 by a chosen reader like a shephard leading its lambs, (which i tried very hard to memorize the biblical names but they didn't mark its land)-We each received a paper. A white paper tattooed with harmless& unobstrusive letters of black ink. I always believed words are like bullets. Words that are verbal, not pened. But i was mentally marked crossed. The first 2 questions i read printed itself faintly in my imagination became violently disrupted by intoxicating nostalgia. My mind just went blank.

My very first Catholic class was very communtive. There is Teresa.. Anita.. Jenny.. Alvin.. Victor.. Edmund.. Cheryl.. Cecilia.. Denny.. James.. sorry i was caught up with myself. Well i got to remember their names. I had examined each of them a fair share of one min. Frankly, I tend to stare holes in a man. I like analysing people's profile, trying to know what formed their moods. Anyway everyone was really welcoming. Aww yes, not forgetting Spotty, the Jet Russel. He's just as big as fat Coco. Okay time for rest. Bye!

Ps; Its always sunny when he is around <333

Heartstopper

Number tree still on my plate
I heard the trains are running late
And I laugh out loud
My life is a mess..
I have gone too far.. In my lifelessness

13/3, not feeling good

The evening wind was as bitter as a scorned woman and just as dirty tempered. My quarter family was out for an expensive giant's meal. I wanted to be a stubborn brat at the hotel room. Cause i had reluctantly ate TOO much since my nose breathed China. Now i know genuflecting a reunion means 30 dishes a day.

The trees are bare& shivering from the wind. I deduced the weather wovers about 15 degrees over? Everyone here wears skin-covered materials until the imminent rebirth of spring. Have i told you, the fruits here are terribly good. Like those perfect ones from Disney. But that mood was before my food phobia. Now everything is catagorized into the apple from Snow White. Speaking of which, i bought myself Disney lingeries. Well. I like feeling cute at times.

15/3,
The wings. The vanilla cotton candy clouds. I want to delay this observation longer. Every battery-operated clock reminded me of how close i'm back to my crumpled life. I imagined it like a worn paper floating nowhere on the contaminated sea. I don't know what to do, about what i feel. I need steps, i need reasonable, comprehensive steps. What is?

Here's some pictures i took from the trip;]

For 2.37a.m.

I will learn to let go what I cannot change. I will learn to forgive what I cannot change. I will learn to let go when I cannot change. I will learn to love when I cannot change. But I will change, I will change. Whatever I, whenever I can.

I still have my eye make-up on. I should just leave it. Well another hour to go.. miles away.

Ps;; Miss you thru the 8 days

Lavishly me.

5/3/08, a day after an almost perfect period. So it was my birthday& birthdays means cake, candles& wishing and at that annual candle moment, i felt all eyes on me, i felt a jumble of undefinable words like put-together ramnants of a family meal.. but i felt the plain truth. I have no wish. So i conjured one developed from my fear, the closest object i dug out from my conscious mind. Its considered one. Right? I'm not big on birthdays but every detail of this surprise celebration expanded my heart, expanded my tear glands, contracted my body. I was so happy& I am happy. I won't draft the details because i rather swallow the whole of it. Yes, even the presents. This is a partial profile of the 19yrs in this body. Anyway i'll be the last for this, Happy birthday to me, Genevieve;; white wave.

Thank you everyone who was there, heart or soul, you will remain there. ily all

"I feel so sour. Sour like a raw lemon on a bearing tree. Sour that when a tiny scare would make you weep."

Goldfrapp;; Happiness
Bishop Allen;; Click click click click
The A-sides;; Diamonds
Say hi to your mom;; these fangs
Rooney;; I'm a terrible person
Placebo;; Infra Red
The Jealous girlfriends;; Secret Identity